The thought of buzzing my head entered my mind during training camp when one of my teammates talked about how she was planning a fundraising event of shaving her head.
In Nepal in October which was month 3, there were a few squadmates and a squad leader who shaved/buzzed/chopped off their hair. I honestly felt that God might want to shave my head.
The reasons were that it would bring freedom and lead to me being more bold. I remember thinking about how shaving the hair off would be taking the old, nasty stuff away. Having a shaved head represented me having a clean slate.
When it came down to it and I prayed about it for about the sixth time, God said ‘don’t shave your head.’ When I asked the reason, God explained that he tested me. It showed me that I am willingly to step out in faith and say yes even when I just feel a hint of what I think God wants me to do.
Once God told me not to shave my head, the thought of shaving my head never crossed my mind until month 7 in Uganda.
I chose to just listen to worship music and hear what God had to say one morning when I woke up somewhat early.
Out of no where, I hear God whisper, ‘shave your head.’ I am taken back by this because it had been 5 months since the idea of shaving my head was a thought. My hair plan was to grow it out at the point in the race. It had been a couple of years since it had been a good long length.
So as anyone naturally would, I asked why. God asked, ‘Don’t you trust me?’ I said ‘yes, but..’ God stops me in my tracks and repeats, ‘Don’t you trust me?’ I just say yes. I then say ‘I hate when people do this but I need a sign.’ So while I had my eyes closed and listening to my ipod; I chose that I would go to the left to reach a girl’s tent that had buzzed her head in Nepal. I planned to asked her for a word from God for me.
When I opened my eyes and looked to the left, I saw that the ‘maid’ was cleaning the area to the left. I was behind the house and there was a narrow path to get each side. As I came out from the side of the house, I saw the girl who I wanted to see getting water to a shower.
I asked God if her being there is the sign then realized I was the one who asked for a sign. That wasn’t enough for me to go up to her and tell her to ask God for a word for me and that she could tell me later.
As she went to go to take her shower, I stopped to say a few words to my team leader and another girl teammate. I tell them that I think God wants me to do something crazy like with Abraham and Issac. My teammate asked me if he was asking me to kill someone and I responded with a chuckle and no. Anyway, there was another teammate washing her hands a few feet a way.
I felt like God was urging me to tell them but I didn’t want to because I didn’t want it to be like it was in Nepal and God tell me not to shave my head a little bit later.
God had changed my attitude from the night before and I could feel myself feeling lighter and happier.
So, I decided to blurt it out. They ask why. I tell that God told me to and for me to have more boldness. I revealed a little bit later that I noticed that I was hiding behind my hair. One of my teammates mentioned that she was going to tell me that a couple days back but hadn’t had the chance.
maybe 2 weeks before
I decided to do it World Race fashion. I separate my hair in seven different pieces so that each one of my teammates could cut off a piece and declare truth over me. Then one of my teammates touched it up because it was at night and we had a church in the morning. We were also going on a mini vacation so I would have to wait a few days to go get it shaved. My teammates said my hair looked good if I wanted to keep it at that length. I said I would pray about it.
The in between stage
Not having access to a mirror and having regular power outrages, my looked like this one day during ministry:
After praying about it for a little bit, I knew I had to shave it all off. God wanted my willingness to say yes. This was just the beginning of God asking me to do crazy things. aka I am pretty sure God wants me to get my doctorate. I think he wants me to help put together a program in trauma counseling specifically for the after care of sex trafficking victims.
That scares the mess out of me. That is more money and more time in school. More debt. But if that is God’s dream/vision for me, I just that he will provide the determination and put me in certain people’s paths to make this all happen.
After
Not knowing the language made it pretty hilarious trying to explain that I wanted my head shaved. He buzzed my hair at the highest level. I had to keep telling him to keep going. Once he got to the point where the next one would shave all the hair off; I hesitated. I realized I needed to do it all because it symbolized that I need to give my all to God.
God deserves my all. I shouldn’t hold back. I shouldn’t give up.
I write this as a reminder that some of the things God is going to ask me to do are going to crazy, scary, and amazing things. I am grateful and cannot wait to see what else God has in store for me.
I am so thankful that God knows that big picture and all I have to do is wait for God reveal more of the picture as life goes on.
What is God asking of you? Be bold and confident! God loves gifting his children. When he sees that our faith is strengthened then he will challenge us in new ways. Be ready for God’s instructions.
Rescued to be fearLESS 