Who needs a husband? not me, I got myself a community

I am not going to write a list of what you should do while your’re waiting and while your single but I am going to write a little bit about why I am very much content with being single. And why I am just as much content with being single for the rest of my life.

No, I don’t need a man to make me happy. Community makes me happy and community consists more than one person. Community could have only two people but mine does not and never will. My community is my church family, friends who live states away, and family. I have learned how to keep people in my community even when they move away or change in some way; whether it’s getting engaged, pregnant, obtained a degree, now single, or has a lifestyle that I do not choose for myself. None of those changes cause me to love these people any less or treat them any differently.

This community have made me the person I am today. The biggest impact community has made on me in 5 months is my church family. Yes, they are the only ones who are in Mobile but that is not the main reason. God has used them to redeem many things and I have finally let go of the chains of fear.

The chains that held me down caused me to fear community. They made me nervous and anxious, They made reaching out hard. They weighed me down. And now, NO MORE.

I have cut the chains and have let them fall to the ground. I have now walked, no ran from them,

I am now confident. bold. just maybe too much.

I may not know where I best fit in this church family yet but I love getting to close to the ones I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with weekly. I love being able to encourage and to be encouraged.

This has first time that church has been a healthy place for me.

Makes me seem crazy for trying again and again.

It’s really by the grace of God for that one.

My past church families were not the only christian circles there were unhealthy.

To be honest none of my groups were healthy.

I kept making the same mistakes which led to the same unhealthy habits.

I thought a fresh start where I wouldn’t know anyone would be good but I somehow made the same mistakes with the first two fresh starts, I don’t know if I was able to process and reflect on past things during those times that help me with the third successful fresh start.

As you can tell, I didn’t talk about being single or waiting but what has been like to be a good, healthy community.

To touch on it, I have no idea why but I get highly annoyed to the point of anger when I hear women talk about how this guy friend said or did things that seemed as signs that he wanted to be more than friends. Worse is when it’s the beginning stages of the friendship.

I have the hardest sympathizing this kind of stuff. I have and I will as well give encouragement.,,to a point.

I honestly have no idea why I am this way.

Call me a feminist if you want.

Why I let myself go crazy over something I cannot control? I cannot make the guy friend like me. I cannot assume that him opening the door for me might cause me think of him as a potential mate just because most guys do not open the door for me. I can not assume his smile that flashes his teeth is meant as sign.

Having a guy will not make you happy and your life complete.
Having a ring on your finger will not mean the end of your problems.
Not having a guy does NOT mean you have to delay or change your career plans.
Not having a guy and a ring does NOT mean you cannot be a parent.

For goodness sake, LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Do NOT waste your life away waiting.
DISCOVER what’s out there.


Sorry, not sorry

I don’t fit into the normal mold. Or at least, the mold you think is normal. What is the definition of normal anymore anyhow?

By your standards I am failure.
I have yet to obtain a degree.
I don’t have professional career. Heck, I don’t even have a job.
I am not committed to someone.
I am not a mother.

Do you not realize that God’s plan for everyone is different and doesn’t always fit the cookie cutter shape you are? It doesn’t mean you are better than me.

I hate that I let your remarks affect me like they do.

Yes, I will be 25 when I finish my undergrad in December. Yes, I will probably be 26 before I start on obtaining my master’s degree which means I will most likely be 28 when I start on my doctorate. Yep; for the rest of my 20s, I will probably be in school. I am okay with that because I know God’s vision for me.

I have no idea if I will meet a guy who will be willingly to let me do what God wants me to do which would mean that God wanted singleness for me in order to accomplish his goal. Yes, I have had moments and will have moments where I will think about it would be like to live life with another person but that doesn’t mean I am not happy being single.

I have an awesome church family. I have amazing friends all over the place. I get really excited when thinking what I will be doing career wise even if that is 6+ years away. I have no fear that I will ever be terribly unhappy.

I am so tired of seeing the blogs about do these many things because you are [or not] married or before you get engaged. LIVE your life. No matter your relationship status. Make a list of your own. Don’t read someone else’s idiotic list. [Yes, I have read quite a few lately. Stupid facebook.] Sit down and think about you and what you want and what you want to do. THEN make a list. THEN start doing those things.

It’s that simple.

Stop worrying about everyone else around you and in the world and whatever stage they are in. Are you happy? If not, find something that makes you happy and keep it in your life.

I let everyone else’s worldly desires blind me from the desires I have had. The desires that God placed on my heart.

Just stop worrying and do!