It is hard to fathom that attitude is a choice when you are sad or angry but it really is. We get to choose to let life circumstances either affect our whole day or just during that moment.
Yesterday was such a good day! It did start out with feeling exhausted but once stepping outside into the sunlight, things started to change. It was simple things like finding an article that might give me insight on my future career and getting to enjoy tea while catching up on reading for class. Getting to have lunch with an amazing woman of God then dinner with some other awesome women of God was just icing on top.
I woke up today feeling pretty rested but in a mood of somewhat numbness.
I started to reflect on why I tend to change groups every few months or so.
I struggle with commitment.
I struggle to stay when things may seem to get a little complicated.
I struggle to not bolt to avoid situations that would cause conflict.
I struggle with being vulnerable with the stuff of my past. Especially things that I am still seeking God’s healing power for.
I am fighting myself to keep the truth in my mind and heart.
I have never gone to see a counselor. It will happen at some point. Possibly the summer since I am planning to not to take classes.
I seem to have bi-polar tendencies but I don’t think I am bi-polar. It’s just that I’ve had a few times where I am enjoying life then the next day or a few days later, it seems to be an almost complete change.
Nothing I don’t trust God with. For all I know it could be that I need to be interceding for someone.
Converge [church college group] is my family! They will see me when things are going good and I will let them in to see me messy when struggles come.
I have mentioned quite a few times that I feel like I belonged with them but saying that they are family is another level up.
You see, family for me has unfortunately not been a happy place. Nothing too tragic but before now, family was something I ran from.
Family meant broken relationships, actually better to say non-existent relationships.
I tried making friends family but I stayed too guarded to actually let anyone fully in my life. I was numb when with them. I was numb when I was alone.
That has a been a big issue; fighting numbness.
God has spent the past three and half years digging at the roots to some of these issues. I honestly know there are more roots that need to be dug up.
MRAG is my extended family! Moffett Road Assembly of God [MRAG] is where God has planted me and I cannot wait to get to know more of the family. I love that I am already involved in the lives of some little ones every Sunday morning. I love that I get to love on youth on Wednesday nights.
God has planted me in Mobile! I thought coming to Mobile that I would only be here for a short amount of time. That once I graduated that I would leave and go to grad school somewhere. I feel that God has been whispering this for the past month but I ignored until this weekend.
I am going to be a catalyst for seeking redemption for the ones who are trapped in slavery in the form of sex trafficking! And I am going to do it right here in Mobile,AL. I thought I was going to move up North to partner with an organization but NOPE…I am get to help get it started here!!
God just kept making these known throughout this weekend! I will post more this week.