Unmet expectations met with contentment

Expectations can make things seem exciting and fun but when they are unmet; we become entitled. I have always thought I grew up not really having many expectations.

I never made a list of things that my future husband needed to be or have. There is nothing wrong with that and I do need actually write out what qualities I want in a possible future husband. I never set an age to be married by but now that I am 25 and never been in a serious relationship has caused me to have stints of longing to be in a relationship.

I am content in my singleness. I still have a lot to do. I have to finish my undergrad, get my masters, and my doctorate. That is just the education side. I want to work/intern somewhere to get experience before I apply for graduate school because I know that my GPA isn’t great and I will need experience with a great recommendation in order to be considered.

I am not saying I couldn’t date and eventually get married while doing those things but my focus right now is my education and doing the things needed to get me to the point to be able to be hands on with victims of sex trafficking.

Part of the journey is being content, even joyful in the expected circumstances that don’t look good in the beginning.

I recently moved into a studio apartment that is in the back of house turned store. No one is in the store right now but in October, there will be a salon. I found this place through a college acquaintance, we’ll call her Katie. I had seen the place once before a couple months back. The formal move in day was today, August 11th, since I had to be out of my previous apartment on July 31st;  let me move my stuff and live there. It has been about a week and half since I moved in. Katie didn’t start packing until last Wednesday and finished this Saturday.

Katie rarely slept at her apartment when she lived there. She stayed at her boyfriends for most of the time. Just to give an example, here is the kitchen and fridge. Her boyfriend cleaned most of the dishes that were in the sink. The fridge still looks like that. I plan to clean it out later today.

Katie had a hectic scheduled with work and playing shows almost every night. For about the half day on Saturday after she left, I was really frustrated that place was a mess and it wasn’t my fault but I still have to clean it. I could choose stay frustrated and angry about the situation but there isn’t anything I can do right now. I do need to find a way to a store to buy cleaning supplies, cat food, and some kind of allergy medicine.

No, I didn’t adopt or get a cat; Katie kept feeding a stray cat so it still comes by therefore I have a cat. I need allergy medicine because it so dusty from it not being cleaned or lived in for a while.

Since there was no way to clean dishes and Katie hadn’t packed everything up yet, I didn’t want to take my kitchen stuff out of the box yet. So Friday morning, I had cereal in a coffee mug. I do like how this picture looks and it is a good snack size. : )

ceral

I will probably become frustrated again as I attempt to clean the kitchen and eventually the bathroom. Oh yes, the bathroom. Okay so like all the other southern states, this past winter was crazy cold. When it got to the lower temps, we all made sure all the faucets were dripping so that our pipes wouldn’t bust. Katie did the same for all of the faucets except the shower. The pipes didn’t bust but the shower isn’t usable. It is set up with a bathtub so I could take a bath. I wouldn’t right now because it needs some deep cleaning. Therefore I have been taking bucket style showers which take a lot more work than a regular shower.

Yes, I did take bucket showers on the world race but that was when they were an expected activity. This is main thing that I am having a hard being content with. Yes, it will get fixed by the step-dad eventually. I wished I wouldn’t get frustrated with something like having to take a bucket shower.

I have joked about shaving/buzzing my head. Don’t worry, I won’t.

So if it looks like I haven’t showered in a day or two, it is probably because I haven’t. I am been telling myself that I need to go back to washing my hair every other day. Three days is the most my hair can go without getting a wash as right now without looking too terrible. I need to invest in a hat very soon.

I guess I am frustrated with the shower thing because I want to go and apply places but I don’t want to pour cold water on my hair and body every other day. I highly prefer hot showers.

Then again what do should I expected from place that is $250/month plus utilities that comes with a bed and a couch.

it is really crazy to realize how entitled I sound especially with all the craziness in Iraq and Ukraine.

I always find it interesting to discover what expectations I have once I have started or gotten into something. I never do realize them until I am already in it.

Are you in a place where you need to work through some unmet expectations? Have you started to become frustrated with the littlest things? Ask God to reveal the parts that are good while you are in this not just to fix the situation.

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Learning to be okay with never having it all worked out

The week or so before classes begin at college seem to be a time of transition for me. The traveling has come to an end, school age kids have started school, and it is time to get things in order for school. I feel more anxious this year and I know that it being my last year of undergrad is most likely the main reason.

Some other reasons are that my housing situation is still unsure, I am job searching, and all my stuff is still in bags and boxes. They will be for at least one more week. The former tenant is still living there and I wasn’t actually suppose to move in until Monday.

I don’t mind the fact that I have no idea what I am doing after I graduate but I am for sure freaking out about the next week which makes sense.

I don’t regret how I tend to jump into things with faith that it will all work out. I will say going into this move, I had no idea of the possibility of having to move until the day or so before I moved out of my previous apartment.

Having been in so many situations where what seems like a sure thing becomes unsure has taught me to have grace with myself and to just keep going.

I can’t undo or go back so I choose to try to not dwell on the decisions I made and try to figure out where to go from the place/point I am at.

I also have learned to let others in even though I still struggle with this one. I struggle to ask for help even if does seem by some aspects of my life that I am a freeloader. That’s the thing about never staying in one place for too long, people judge from what they see and not the years before or the years in between.

I will say there have been moments in my life where I didn’t work as hard I could have and I didn’t try hard enough to do the work. [school and job wise]

The struggle to let others in is partly why people don’t know what actions I have taken to try to make things work. There is no accountability. I don’t like it this way.

I want things to be different but with the circumstances that I seem to always be in, there is never a constant person or group to fall on. I don’t really like using the term ‘fall’ here but I don’t know a better term that fits. I partially blame myself for this.

Things get hard, I run. School is out, I travel. Semester is full of deadlines, papers. and tests; the excuse of being too busy is used.

I want to try to remain intentional with there people here in Mobile, World Race peeps, and my family while doing it well. Now to just learn how and to have grace with myself as there will be times I fail.