It happened.

I have wanted this for a long time and now that it is here, fear has entered. I have asked the many what ifs. I have even tried talking myself out of it and I may have succeed this time.

I am talking about a guy. A guy who is interested in going out with me. A guy who has been wanting to for a while.

There are concerns but from what I have seen, there always are.

People have suggested to begin with talking.

You see, I have known this guy for at least a year but we haven’t had the chance to really talk. I unfortunately haven’t seen him as potential partner and probably wouldn’t have if he didn’t approach me. I don’t know much about him nor does he know much about me.

I think the best way to learn is to try, to live, to do. I don’t want fear to get in the way but I don’t want get hurt. I don’t want to go into a situation that I am 85% sure that I will end up hurt and alone.

Why should I think about entertaining the idea of a relationship when I can’t seem to keep a friend in the same zip code longer than a year. I don’t plan sabotage a friendship after months of sharing everything but somehow it happens. Even the friends I have in other parts of United States and other places of the world aren’t strong.

I have a friend whose been my life for 6 and half years. We were tight for the first 8 months and then we weren’t in the same zip code. We live in the same city now and we are pretty tight but it’s different. It is a good different. We are there for each other in all times of life; the good, the bad, the hard, the complicated, the joys.

I don’t know why I claim to not have long lasting friendships. I guess it is because I have never had a friendship that was consistently strong for longer than 6-8 months.

Sorry.
Getting back the subject of dating.

I know I fear long-term commitment. I can do less than year but I don’t want to just date to date. I want to date in the search of a possible husband which is why I am hesitant to consider dating/talking to anyone right now. I should be done with classes this summer and after that, I may not stay in Mobile. I might take an internship in Atlanta, California, or Connecticut or just move away. I am more focused on my education and career than love life.

Having a relationship doesn’t pay bills. I have to pay off student loans. I need to get experience in counseling. I need to get experience in aftercare counseling specifically of victims of sex trafficking.

I am not saying I couldn’t get experience or an internship in Mobile. I know there is the rape call center and Penelope’s house among others.

Advice anyone?

Should I stay single until I figure out my plans post-graduation? What are some reasons why I should give ‘talking’ a try with this guy?

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