My breaking point in Thailand

It was month 8. I was on my 4th team and would only have this team for 1 month. 

I hoped that this month would be full of redemption with a few teammates and there would be great bonding with the others because I hadn’t had a chance to get to know them.

Our ministry was in the red light district with one other teammate.

I was excited to be do ministry with my teammate. I hadn’t had the chance to get to know her.

The thing I didn’t know was she suffered from depression due to imbalanced chemicals in her brain. I did know that she has had issues with alcohol and knew that ministry would be hard for her.

I chose to be naive in the fact that I thought it still would be a good month for our team. That I would be able to connect with an old teammate. [Impossible, a lot of time conflicts] That I would be able to give feedback in a timely manner. [Nope, I waited until the end of the month and still didn’t say everything.] 

Three teams + six squad leaders of E squad lived in the same house we did. We did part of our ministry with some of their people. They are amazing group of people and loved that I got the chance to get to the ones I did. 
Side note-We got to to see them the next month in Cambodia as well! 

There are these two girls, maybe at the ages of fifeteen and eight, sell flowers til late at night [sometimes 3am or later] that every team had met at one point and time. One night, I brought all of the flowers from hoping her and her sister would be able to go home and stop selling but I later realized that probably wasn’t case. 

But since I did buy all of their flowers, they got to hang out with us for a while. I think this was the third or fourth time we had come in contact with each other through out that month. 

Then something I was not expecting, she was a christian. She had a cross on her cheek which gave her the opportunity to invite my teammate and I to church and lunch after. I was really excited because these were precious children of God who he protects while they are in the red light district selling flowers. 

Something else happened that I wasn’t expecting. My teammate wouldn’t wake up the next morning.

Plus, I was out of minutes on my phone. I want to say I talked to her once saying we would be late but not that we possibly wasn’t going to be able to make it.

The rest of my team was leaving to go to pet tigers. Everyone else had dates or different things planned. 

I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere alone. 

I became frustrated. I hated that the girls probably were up really late on the streets and now waiting on us. 

I got not so happy looks or responses from my teammate. 

I have never really had a close friend that suffered from depression by the cause of being chemically imbalanced. I didn’t know if she could wake up, take a pill, and than an hour later..be all good. She did share with me a time before that morning that some mornings, she wakes up not wanting to be alive. 

It’s hard to fathom waking up to that thought process. To be continuously fight that battle. 

I found out later that she didn’t take some medicine the night before that would have helped. That didn’t make me angry. Then again, I had probably already chosen that I couldn’t do anything about it so I had to stop being angry and frustrated. 

Before I got to the point of choosing grace, I broke down. It was after my team left and after I tried waking up my teammate once more. 

I just started crying. I was mad that I couldn’t go by myself. I was mad that I couldn’t wake my teammate. I was mad that I was out of minutes. I was mad about something one of my other teammates said before they left. There were a lot of things I was mad about that didn’t come to mind then or now.

Then, I start to pray. Asking God to forgive us for not being able to meet up these young girls and for not being able to get  in contact with them. 

The positive of that day was that my teammate did wake up and we were able to meet up the girls. We went to the mall for lunch and my teammate brought some stuff for them. 

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