The struggle

The struggle is wanting a forever companion but no desire to marry or even date.

The struggle is wondering why I started with that. Most likely because I miss living in a community. You see, I moved from the Southeast to the Northeast (or is Michigan Midwest?) a month ago.

The struggle is choosing to vulnerable yet not knowing who or where to turn to do so.

The struggle is knowing the thoughts and worries you want to be vulnerable are most like irrational and what’s the use of talking about the irrational.

The struggle is claiming people as my support system but not being direct on what I need from those particular people.

The struggle is facebook deleting a message that I had planned to send to those that I claim as my support system.

The struggle is fighting numbness and to fight to be honest and vulnerable with myself.

The struggle is realizing that anxiety has decided to come back with a raging fire after taking a month long vacation…or maybe it was a business/strategy session on how to attack my mind.

Do know that I thankful that I got a job with full time hours and soon to be benefits within a week of being in Michigan.

Know that God has confirmed many times that He has called me to Michigan.

 

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A glimpse into moving cross-country and starting a new job

I have been in Dearborn, Michigan for two weeks now and it has yet to sink in. I felt complete peace since landing into Detroit airport and have felt all the time. My anxiety and depression aren’t as bad as they were. I am not saying that I am completely healed but I do feel that God has protected me from feeling extreme depression or anxiety.

The day after I got here, my roommate and I worked as quality control inspectors at an auto parts place. It was mundane but we got paid above minimum wage and worked 9 hours.

I spent the next week walking to places around and applied online to a few places. I got a call the same day as applying. I got the job the day after the interview. Today was my third day working at Panera Cares. I will be getting full time hours. All of this was an answered prayer and confirmation that God has me right where He wants me.

Panera Cares is a partner of Panera Bread and functions the same but customers are able to pay a donation. So they either pay the amount that it actually costs or less if they cannot afford to pay to full cost or more to help offset those who cannot pay the full amount.

There is a bus that runs near my home to Panera Cares but I have very limited funds until I get paid early next week. The weather been really nice so I’ve walked home the past two days. I have been thankful that my roommate has been able to pick me once and dropped me off a few times.

On my home today, I got distracted by some of the natural beauty that surrounds the roads. Here are some pictures I took with my phone on the way home:

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I am not sure if this happens a lot but one of the perks of closing tonight is that I got free mac and cheese.
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I ate most of it before thinking to take a picture.

My roommate and I tried a burger place that is walking distance from our apartment. Can anyone guess the reference?img_1852-3If not, that’s okay. I didn’t either until my roommate said something about it. Here’s a hint:

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Here’s a little humorous sign that was there as well.
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I went for a run the other day and my split times for the first two miles were pretty good. I usually run a 12 minute mile so I was pretty proud of myself for running a mile under 11 minutes. I am also proud that all my miles were under 12 minutes. I ran a total of 4 miles without stopping. The weather did feel great that day. It was definitely fall weather.

While on my run, I  ended up running to something about Henry Ford which is not that surprising that me living right outside of Detroit.

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img_1875-3The past few days have been pretty warm but not as humid as southern Alabama. There was a short, little storm yesterday while at work that made me chuckle and reminded me much of Mobile weather.

Thought I’d post a blog of things I have been wanting to post about but hadn’t. I realized it was enough to write a blog. I hope you enjoyed this little snapshot into my life currently. I might try more. We shall see.

Fully trusting God’s plans

A door opened for me to move to Dearborn, MI. A door into many uncertainties but God has confirmed that this door has been clearly open by him. I am not much of a planner and have the soul of a free spirit. Now, that doesn’t mean I am just going on a whim and not trying to plan as much as possible.

God hasn’t given me a picture of why He wants me there but I learned a long time ago to just say yes when you feel God calling you to do something or go somewhere. God has always blessed me in the times o f obedience.

I will be staying with a World Race alumni that I have not officially met but World Race alumni are family. Megan Czerwinski has a dream to start a non-profit to work with teens who have been abused or dealt with addictions and use art therapy as part of the healing process. I love the idea of art therapy and even consider it as career before God called me to go on the World Race. I don’t know if I will be able to part of the non-profit but that was the first sign that I felt God give me about this being an open door.

The second sign I believe God gave me was the prices of the megabus to Atlanta and a flight to Detroit. I researched prices for megabus, greyhound, amtrak, and flights. Sometime last week when I checked last week, a flight to Detroit on August 17th was $89 pre-tax. I checked today and it is now down to $49! Praise God because I was expecting the flight to be over $200/300. The cost of the megabus is $10 right now.

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I only screenshot the price for Monday, August 15th but the cost is $5 for every Monday of the month of August.

IMG_1671As you see above, flights are $49 on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I applied for a seasonal job at OfficeMax in Mobile so I might be leaving later in August that the 15th. I am going to call tomorrow to figure out the details. I will update this blog as needed. I might post a blog of updates. Not sure right now.

I have been looking at LinkedIn at possible jobs in Dearborn and in Detroit which is about 15 minutes from Dearborn. The city transportation options seem better than Mobile’s so that is a plus and will help a lot with expanding options for jobs. I applied for an admitting position in a hospital in Detroit last week so hopefully timing will work out.

I plan to get involved in ministries that reach out to those who are,  have been, or vulnerable to getting trapped in the system of human trafficking. Yes, it happens in the US if you somehow have been living under rock. It might not be in a sweat shop or in front of bars. I want to also reach the men who pay for services of the people are trapped in the human trafficking. I also want to reach out to the bar owners and the ones who own/are in control of those trapped in human trafficking.

There is a big Arabic/Muslim population that I would like to get involved in a ministry to ministers to that community once I get settled in and know roughly what my work schedule will be like.

There are many uncertainties as you can tell but I know God does not open a door without provision. I am not saying I am expecting for God to provide me with a flow of finances. Although I do believe that if I am being faithful in saying yes to where He is calling me that everything I need will be provided. Yes, I may only eat roman noodles for a while and work somewhere that will not help give me experience for doing something in the mental health field but I will not go a day in lack.

Fund the nations designed a shirt for me to sell to help me get to Michigan as well pay living expenses until my first paycheck. The money I will get from (hopefully) OfficeMax will go towards finances that I still have in Mobile.

Here is what the shirts look like:

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The cost is $20 and offered in sizes XS-3X. They said they run a little snug so if you can’t decide on a size, order the larger size. I will need money before I order the shirts so I have set up a venmo account.

The verse below the Adventures Await is Isaiah 55:8-9:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways” declares the Lord. “As in heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Please keep me in your prayers through this whole process. I am the kind of person does well living in the here and now so I am excited to see what God is going to do in Michigan and in me in the coming years but it hasn’t hit me that I’m leaving Mobile in a little more over a month from now. I don’t think it’ll hit me into I’m in Michigan and been there for more than a week.

Also, my lease is up at the end of this month and there is already someone that is moving into my room in August. So please be in prayer about me finding a place to stay until I leave Mobile. Anyone have a room/couch that I could sleep in/on for a couple of weeks in August?

Do you have a hard time saying yes or fully trusting God when there are uncertainties? Are you willing to move somewhere you never thought you would on the feeling that God clearly opened a door for you there?

Unmet expectations met with contentment

Expectations can make things seem exciting and fun but when they are unmet; we become entitled. I have always thought I grew up not really having many expectations.

I never made a list of things that my future husband needed to be or have. There is nothing wrong with that and I do need actually write out what qualities I want in a possible future husband. I never set an age to be married by but now that I am 25 and never been in a serious relationship has caused me to have stints of longing to be in a relationship.

I am content in my singleness. I still have a lot to do. I have to finish my undergrad, get my masters, and my doctorate. That is just the education side. I want to work/intern somewhere to get experience before I apply for graduate school because I know that my GPA isn’t great and I will need experience with a great recommendation in order to be considered.

I am not saying I couldn’t date and eventually get married while doing those things but my focus right now is my education and doing the things needed to get me to the point to be able to be hands on with victims of sex trafficking.

Part of the journey is being content, even joyful in the expected circumstances that don’t look good in the beginning.

I recently moved into a studio apartment that is in the back of house turned store. No one is in the store right now but in October, there will be a salon. I found this place through a college acquaintance, we’ll call her Katie. I had seen the place once before a couple months back. The formal move in day was today, August 11th, since I had to be out of my previous apartment on July 31st;  let me move my stuff and live there. It has been about a week and half since I moved in. Katie didn’t start packing until last Wednesday and finished this Saturday.

Katie rarely slept at her apartment when she lived there. She stayed at her boyfriends for most of the time. Just to give an example, here is the kitchen and fridge. Her boyfriend cleaned most of the dishes that were in the sink. The fridge still looks like that. I plan to clean it out later today.

Katie had a hectic scheduled with work and playing shows almost every night. For about the half day on Saturday after she left, I was really frustrated that place was a mess and it wasn’t my fault but I still have to clean it. I could choose stay frustrated and angry about the situation but there isn’t anything I can do right now. I do need to find a way to a store to buy cleaning supplies, cat food, and some kind of allergy medicine.

No, I didn’t adopt or get a cat; Katie kept feeding a stray cat so it still comes by therefore I have a cat. I need allergy medicine because it so dusty from it not being cleaned or lived in for a while.

Since there was no way to clean dishes and Katie hadn’t packed everything up yet, I didn’t want to take my kitchen stuff out of the box yet. So Friday morning, I had cereal in a coffee mug. I do like how this picture looks and it is a good snack size. : )

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I will probably become frustrated again as I attempt to clean the kitchen and eventually the bathroom. Oh yes, the bathroom. Okay so like all the other southern states, this past winter was crazy cold. When it got to the lower temps, we all made sure all the faucets were dripping so that our pipes wouldn’t bust. Katie did the same for all of the faucets except the shower. The pipes didn’t bust but the shower isn’t usable. It is set up with a bathtub so I could take a bath. I wouldn’t right now because it needs some deep cleaning. Therefore I have been taking bucket style showers which take a lot more work than a regular shower.

Yes, I did take bucket showers on the world race but that was when they were an expected activity. This is main thing that I am having a hard being content with. Yes, it will get fixed by the step-dad eventually. I wished I wouldn’t get frustrated with something like having to take a bucket shower.

I have joked about shaving/buzzing my head. Don’t worry, I won’t.

So if it looks like I haven’t showered in a day or two, it is probably because I haven’t. I am been telling myself that I need to go back to washing my hair every other day. Three days is the most my hair can go without getting a wash as right now without looking too terrible. I need to invest in a hat very soon.

I guess I am frustrated with the shower thing because I want to go and apply places but I don’t want to pour cold water on my hair and body every other day. I highly prefer hot showers.

Then again what do should I expected from place that is $250/month plus utilities that comes with a bed and a couch.

it is really crazy to realize how entitled I sound especially with all the craziness in Iraq and Ukraine.

I always find it interesting to discover what expectations I have once I have started or gotten into something. I never do realize them until I am already in it.

Are you in a place where you need to work through some unmet expectations? Have you started to become frustrated with the littlest things? Ask God to reveal the parts that are good while you are in this not just to fix the situation.