Story of rediscovering my issues with speaking

I overheard a conversation that was something about a child who decided to not talk as often because other kids couldn’t understand him. A comment was made about how lonely the child must feel.

I can relate to the child because I became that person in most situations. Only my tiny circle of friends knew how much I liked to talk.

Unfortunately growing up, I couldn’t grasp the concepts my speech-language pathologist  was trying to teach me. Or it might have been that the techniques I was trying to learn wasn’t the right ones. Plus, I am very stubborn and I probably didn’t want to learn a new way of talking.

I still struggle with annunciation, opening my mouth wider when talking, and slowing down.

It has been suggested by two people that are in separate parts of my life to think about see a speech language pathologist. They’re both worried about job interviews and work environments. I don’t know if I will actually try to find one to see.

I saw the speech language pathologist during my preschool years up to around 6th grade. It didn’t look like I was improving so I decided to stop.

So I just looked up different speech disorders which is something I have never done. Not sure why I haven’t. Probably because I made peace with having a speech impediment.

I watched a youtube video of a girl who has apraxia and she sounded similar to me.

I am not claiming that I have apraxia over myself but it does help with trying to figure out I should go see a speech language pathologist.

Apraxia is a motor speech disorder. The messages from the brain to the mouth are disrupted, and the person cannot move his or her lips or tongue to the right place to say sounds correctly, even though the muscles are not weak. (http://www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/ApraxiaAdults/ )

Learning about apraxia has stirred up emotions such as relief because I somehow never thought of not being able to speak well could be caused by a malfunction in my brain. I used to say I had a speech impediment but as some point I stopped. Not saying I am going to starting using the term again. I blamed people not understanding me because I knew I talk really fast, quietly, and do not annunciate well.

I have known I need speak slowly and more clearly. In situations where I am nervous or excited, I have hard time making myself slow down and try to be more clear.

I remember quite a few time during my freshman year of high school (years before and after as well but freshman year is the most clearest), many times people chose to laugh instead of asking for clarification or for me slow down.

My issues with speaking has affected me seeking help for my anxiety and depression. I hadn’t realized that until today. They may not have a major affect but they were part of why I took so long to seek help.

 

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