The struggle

The struggle is wanting a forever companion but no desire to marry or even date.

The struggle is wondering why I started with that. Most likely because I miss living in a community. You see, I moved from the Southeast to the Northeast (or is Michigan Midwest?) a month ago.

The struggle is choosing to vulnerable yet not knowing who or where to turn to do so.

The struggle is knowing the thoughts and worries you want to be vulnerable are most like irrational and what’s the use of talking about the irrational.

The struggle is claiming people as my support system but not being direct on what I need from those particular people.

The struggle is facebook deleting a message that I had planned to send to those that I claim as my support system.

The struggle is fighting numbness and to fight to be honest and vulnerable with myself.

The struggle is realizing that anxiety has decided to come back with a raging fire after taking a month long vacation…or maybe it was a business/strategy session on how to attack my mind.

Do know that I thankful that I got a job with full time hours and soon to be benefits within a week of being in Michigan.

Know that God has confirmed many times that He has called me to Michigan.

 

Advertisements

Fully trusting God’s plans

A door opened for me to move to Dearborn, MI. A door into many uncertainties but God has confirmed that this door has been clearly open by him. I am not much of a planner and have the soul of a free spirit. Now, that doesn’t mean I am just going on a whim and not trying to plan as much as possible.

God hasn’t given me a picture of why He wants me there but I learned a long time ago to just say yes when you feel God calling you to do something or go somewhere. God has always blessed me in the times o f obedience.

I will be staying with a World Race alumni that I have not officially met but World Race alumni are family. Megan Czerwinski has a dream to start a non-profit to work with teens who have been abused or dealt with addictions and use art therapy as part of the healing process. I love the idea of art therapy and even consider it as career before God called me to go on the World Race. I don’t know if I will be able to part of the non-profit but that was the first sign that I felt God give me about this being an open door.

The second sign I believe God gave me was the prices of the megabus to Atlanta and a flight to Detroit. I researched prices for megabus, greyhound, amtrak, and flights. Sometime last week when I checked last week, a flight to Detroit on August 17th was $89 pre-tax. I checked today and it is now down to $49! Praise God because I was expecting the flight to be over $200/300. The cost of the megabus is $10 right now.

IMG_1672

I only screenshot the price for Monday, August 15th but the cost is $5 for every Monday of the month of August.

IMG_1671As you see above, flights are $49 on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I applied for a seasonal job at OfficeMax in Mobile so I might be leaving later in August that the 15th. I am going to call tomorrow to figure out the details. I will update this blog as needed. I might post a blog of updates. Not sure right now.

I have been looking at LinkedIn at possible jobs in Dearborn and in Detroit which is about 15 minutes from Dearborn. The city transportation options seem better than Mobile’s so that is a plus and will help a lot with expanding options for jobs. I applied for an admitting position in a hospital in Detroit last week so hopefully timing will work out.

I plan to get involved in ministries that reach out to those who are,  have been, or vulnerable to getting trapped in the system of human trafficking. Yes, it happens in the US if you somehow have been living under rock. It might not be in a sweat shop or in front of bars. I want to also reach the men who pay for services of the people are trapped in the human trafficking. I also want to reach out to the bar owners and the ones who own/are in control of those trapped in human trafficking.

There is a big Arabic/Muslim population that I would like to get involved in a ministry to ministers to that community once I get settled in and know roughly what my work schedule will be like.

There are many uncertainties as you can tell but I know God does not open a door without provision. I am not saying I am expecting for God to provide me with a flow of finances. Although I do believe that if I am being faithful in saying yes to where He is calling me that everything I need will be provided. Yes, I may only eat roman noodles for a while and work somewhere that will not help give me experience for doing something in the mental health field but I will not go a day in lack.

Fund the nations designed a shirt for me to sell to help me get to Michigan as well pay living expenses until my first paycheck. The money I will get from (hopefully) OfficeMax will go towards finances that I still have in Mobile.

Here is what the shirts look like:

Elizabeth Nettleton Shirt 2

The cost is $20 and offered in sizes XS-3X. They said they run a little snug so if you can’t decide on a size, order the larger size. I will need money before I order the shirts so I have set up a venmo account.

The verse below the Adventures Await is Isaiah 55:8-9:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways” declares the Lord. “As in heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Please keep me in your prayers through this whole process. I am the kind of person does well living in the here and now so I am excited to see what God is going to do in Michigan and in me in the coming years but it hasn’t hit me that I’m leaving Mobile in a little more over a month from now. I don’t think it’ll hit me into I’m in Michigan and been there for more than a week.

Also, my lease is up at the end of this month and there is already someone that is moving into my room in August. So please be in prayer about me finding a place to stay until I leave Mobile. Anyone have a room/couch that I could sleep in/on for a couple of weeks in August?

Do you have a hard time saying yes or fully trusting God when there are uncertainties? Are you willing to move somewhere you never thought you would on the feeling that God clearly opened a door for you there?

Who needs a husband? not me, I got myself a community

I am not going to write a list of what you should do while your’re waiting and while your single but I am going to write a little bit about why I am very much content with being single. And why I am just as much content with being single for the rest of my life.

No, I don’t need a man to make me happy. Community makes me happy and community consists more than one person. Community could have only two people but mine does not and never will. My community is my church family, friends who live states away, and family. I have learned how to keep people in my community even when they move away or change in some way; whether it’s getting engaged, pregnant, obtained a degree, now single, or has a lifestyle that I do not choose for myself. None of those changes cause me to love these people any less or treat them any differently.

This community have made me the person I am today. The biggest impact community has made on me in 5 months is my church family. Yes, they are the only ones who are in Mobile but that is not the main reason. God has used them to redeem many things and I have finally let go of the chains of fear.

The chains that held me down caused me to fear community. They made me nervous and anxious, They made reaching out hard. They weighed me down. And now, NO MORE.

I have cut the chains and have let them fall to the ground. I have now walked, no ran from them,

I am now confident. bold. just maybe too much.

I may not know where I best fit in this church family yet but I love getting to close to the ones I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with weekly. I love being able to encourage and to be encouraged.

This has first time that church has been a healthy place for me.

Makes me seem crazy for trying again and again.

It’s really by the grace of God for that one.

My past church families were not the only christian circles there were unhealthy.

To be honest none of my groups were healthy.

I kept making the same mistakes which led to the same unhealthy habits.

I thought a fresh start where I wouldn’t know anyone would be good but I somehow made the same mistakes with the first two fresh starts, I don’t know if I was able to process and reflect on past things during those times that help me with the third successful fresh start.

As you can tell, I didn’t talk about being single or waiting but what has been like to be a good, healthy community.

To touch on it, I have no idea why but I get highly annoyed to the point of anger when I hear women talk about how this guy friend said or did things that seemed as signs that he wanted to be more than friends. Worse is when it’s the beginning stages of the friendship.

I have the hardest sympathizing this kind of stuff. I have and I will as well give encouragement.,,to a point.

I honestly have no idea why I am this way.

Call me a feminist if you want.

Why I let myself go crazy over something I cannot control? I cannot make the guy friend like me. I cannot assume that him opening the door for me might cause me think of him as a potential mate just because most guys do not open the door for me. I can not assume his smile that flashes his teeth is meant as sign.

Having a guy will not make you happy and your life complete.
Having a ring on your finger will not mean the end of your problems.
Not having a guy does NOT mean you have to delay or change your career plans.
Not having a guy and a ring does NOT mean you cannot be a parent.

For goodness sake, LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Do NOT waste your life away waiting.
GO EXPLORE.
GO on an ADVENTURE.
DISCOVER what’s out there.